After a lot of thought and, ultimately, resignation, I have decided to support Donald J. Trump in 2016.

I imagine this will bother those of you who still have faith in humanity, you beacons of hope in this vast, unforgiving universe.

“Why?” you might ask, if you still, somehow, haven’t become a shell of a human being. “Why would you support Trump?”

You want to know why, person who hasn’t yet become a despondent shadow of his former self?

Because my spirit is broken.

I’m so tired. I’ve read countless editorials, opinion columns and investigative pieces that simply, honestly and accurately explain why Trump should not be the leader of the free world, why it might be a bad idea for him to hold a position of authority in our government, why he might be a hypersensitive, raving, narcissistic child with no real idea of how to fix the myriad problems facing our country. I’ve flipped through hundreds of pages documenting his many lawsuits, poor business decisions and general idiocy, pages and pages and pages of evidence that he should never be taken seriously or trusted with heavy responsibility. And yet, his popularity grows; his fans become ever more rabid; and my soul shrivels into a small black hole, engulfing my ability to resist and my will to carry on.

At first, I’ll admit, I didn’t get it. He’s not intelligent, charismatic, charming or attractive. If you close your eyes while he’s talking, it sounds like you’re playing a halfhearted game of Chubby Bunny with a racist 5th-grader. But I get it now.

I finally understand that to support Trump, you don’t have to agree with his politics or believe he’ll save America; you just have to stop caring, give into sweet release, and let the wave of dejected acquiescence wash over you like the incoming tide.

A Trump presidency will probably be unbearable for you unwavering angels of light who still believe that the voters will eventually choose someone else, someone who doesn’t sound like a drunk college freshman winging a social studies presentation the Monday after Christmas break.

Can you imagine seeing Trump’s face, tanned into an uncomfortable shade of blonde, every time you turn on the news for the next four years? Can you imagine hearing his voice, spewing incoherent, uninformed nonsense at you, over and over and over again for roughly 1,460 days?

I used to imagine it and cringe, when I still had a life force.

I used to find the idea of President Trump unendurable, horrifying. Now, I just take two sleeping pills and curl into a fetal position under my desk until all emotion and conscious thought pass.

Are you afraid of what might happen to America, not to mention the Republican party, if an entitled, tantrum-throwing cretin become its leader?

I was, too, when I could feel fear. Now I’m Frodo, exhausted, beaten down, desolate, lying on the side of Mount Doom; just drag me up the side of the mountain and throw me into the all-consuming fire of a future in which Donald Trump can make major decisions that affect my life. I have surrendered to wretched defeatism.

I used to get into arguments with people who like him because he’s “anti-PC” and “outspoken” and “arguably not a pandering, easily corruptible misogynist.” But then I realized that everything is pointless. I used to say things like “we don’t want this man representing America” and “he is not prepared or equipped for this kind of responsibility,” but now when confronted by a Trump supporter, I just lie down on the ground and play dead until they leave or the floor gets cold.

I have been worn down. I have abandoned all hope.

So carry on, America. Do what you want. Willingly march yourself into four years of a president who regularly gets into fights with strangers on Twitter. I will join you, like a salmon swimming upriver to its death.

I will spend 2016 wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat, quietly lying in the dark, waiting for the rapture.



36 thoughts on “#Trump2016

  1. This is beautiful, and I like the way you used “myriad” correctly. Did you bring out the AP book for that? Please become some writer so that I can love the news again.

  2. Whose aesthetics are better? Flinching, lump-in-throat Jeb; slick Grandpa Munster Cruz; robotic yet sweaty Rubio, hunched and defeated HS principal Kasich?

  3. Glad to have you aboard the Trump train, we’ve got no brakes and are picking up speed. CHOO CHOO! Make Merica Merica Again.

    1. The (GOP) Party is irrelevant in the current political landscape because of the ineffectual ability to counter the march of progressive-fascist-socialism in the US and around the world from which islam now draws its new found strength.

    2. “He’s going to irreparably damage the party.”

      Ha! Anything but that! Who would appoint Supreme Court justices that approve Obamacare, legalize millions of future welfare dependents, try to stat insane wars in the Middle East, or try to start even more insane wars with a nuclear armed Russia?!??

      Most importantly, what kind of an evil monster wouldn’t immediately surrender when a leftist calls them a racist?


      Hear that? I assume you’ve died of shock by now.

  4. This gal is more proud of her poetry than he actually cares about politics…get some antidepressants and go shopping girl! Everything is gonna be alright!

  5. This gal is more proud of her poetry than she actually cares about politics…get some antidepressants and go shopping girl! Everything is gonna be alright!

      1. I notice that that ticked her off enough to answer. BA, if you talk about voting against your will, against your reason, and even against your character, you shouldn’t be surprised that someone thinks you shouldn’t vote.
        Instead of this article devoid of any information except that you really don’t like Trump, why don’t you do a little work, and compare/contrast him to the other candidates (or, if that’s too much effort, just to your preferred candidate)?
        As it is, I give you a B, for good grammar, spelling, and composition. Next time, put some more meat in there.

      2. I’m sure the writer really appreciates the B Jason. Maybe she’ll return the favor when you write something worthwhile. Meantime you can just hang out in the comments section with us c-‘s

  6. “the march of progressive-fascist-socialism in the US and around the world from which islam now draws its new found strength.” You’re right, Brookeangeline. Hope is for those who think they can fight teh stupid.

  7. “not intelligent”. I’d say he’s a good bit more intelligent than the person who wrote this article. “not good looking”. Yes, because that’s a sure way to measure a human being’s capabilities, yea?

    /also, the main point is laughable. Other politicians have DONE SUCH A GREAT JOB over the past 16 years, yea? People can mock and be utterly shallow, arrogant (and many are, see post for evidence), but people are angry and want real change. Not a society where you can be given a free phone and still be stuck in the same situation you were in 8 years ago. /not a republican, not a democrat, not a follower

  8. About Donald Trump … my two cents … and it might not even be worth that much.

    I think Trump started this whole thing as a lark. A kind of magnificent joke that took on a life of its own … like a child who lies … and then has to pile the first lie with a mound of other lies. It’s a story that has just gotten away from Trump.

    I don’t really think he’s all that much in control any more. He struck a chord in a large slice of this society … and now … all he has to do is show the hell up. The crowds do the rest.

    The crowds don’t really care about him. They care about the stuff he actually stumbled on and said out loud … the very same shit we talk about every day in easy conversations with family and close friends. They care about the gathering … the like-mindedness with others who are more than angry at the recent past. Trump just pumps some high-octane into the issues and that gasses up the ripe crowd.

    He’s hardly an eloquent speaker. He babbles …. and offers up these disjointed, sometimes undignified, stream-of-consciousness diatribes … often about meaningless, unimportant issues. He’s even fond of the cruel. He’s as unpresidential as one can imagine. He straddles the crude.

    But the crowds bide that because he inevitably leans back on the issues that matter : stifling political correctness, illegal immigration, hijacked healthcare, our national reputation, economic rescue, evaporating values and morals, and unbearable government. That’s the crowd fuel. And those observations and issues ARE real. I just think Trump is like the nine year old boy who … in his most glorious Little League moment … finds the goddamn ball in his mitt … to his everlasting surprise.

    Trump is the modern-day Maximus … but without the seriousness and absent the nobility. He’s a crowd rouser, but it’s not he who is really loved. The crowd loves the message … not the messenger.

    I don’t think he really understands what’s happened. He stumbled on to something that gelled into a national whoop … an angry display of real dissatisfaction with the last several years. That part I can understand … Trump is stunned that he’s at the center of this tornado.He was sucked in … and there seems no way out … no way to call off the lark.

    Now … he may be looking for an exit. That’s why we’re seeing these ever increasing displays of the bizarre. Crazy statements … crazy interviews. Crazy, crazy, crazy. And still … the crowds gather.

    Trump can’t get the hell out. If he walks away … he’ll be unpleasantly labeled for life … and he’ll carry a kind of scarlet letter forever. The polls suggest that he can win … easily. So … what does he do? He says stunning things … which get more daring each day … because he’s pushing the edge of the envelope … hoping to slip into the unacceptable. I think he’s asking to be turned away. To be released from what he has helped create.

    It’s now bigger … bigger than even Donald Trump. And he knows it.’

    Tina Turner was wrong. We need another hero.

    Denis Ian

    1. Yes, his comment about “I could shoot someone on Fifth Ave and my poll numbers would still go up” supports your argument. It’s like Trump himself can’t even believe how fanatical his supporters are…like the old sitcom plot where someone pretends to be something that is sure to get them fired/dumped but they end up getting promoted, or embraced more fervently …

  9. I can’t stand trump, but at least I know who he is and can plan for his idiocy. Most the world will ignore Trump and even congress will work to keep him in check. I wish there was a better alternative. But the only other options (Hillary and Sanders) WILL destroy the USA. Hillary can’t tell the truth to save her life, she uses people and doesn’t care about anything but her own ambitions. Sanders is the closest thing to pure communist and many of his policy ideas are make Soviet Russia look conservative.

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